Beauty in Imperfections

I am fucking sick and tired of this asshole!

2012-01-28T23:59:00.000-06:00

He has gone drinking the past 2 nights. I told him that it bothered me, but he still did it. My respect for him has vanished. I guess I don't matter, afterall.
♥S

Mismatched

2012-01-27T23:39:00.000-06:00

The bad part of today: I went to see Lukas, as always, but today, Brian was at his house. I drove all the way to the edge of town to watch these two play stupid VIDEO GAMES, only to get up and leave half an hour later. What a waste!

The good part of today: RILEIGH and I at work! "Just BREEBOOTY DO IT!" We both agreed that we should have our own sitcom, like Two Broke Girls. We would be so entertaining to watch, no joke. Especially if a few of the episodes were filmed at work...

Hasta Mañana,
♥S

Oh, yes.

2012-01-26T21:31:00.000-06:00

I mastered the swing choir dance for I Gotta Feeling. So happy! :)
Today has been so great!
♥S

Happenings...

2012-01-25T21:31:00.000-06:00

I tried to get ahold of Lukas today. Didn't hear anything until he showed up at my door. Turns out he left his phone in my basement... lol.
I went and volunteered to teach religious education class to a bunch of 1st graders today. It was so fun! The kids are so sweet. Even the one that tied his feet to a desk with yarn and a "super double knot!" stole my heart. Nothing is better than knowing I will be HAPPY with my future plans and career. I'm trying to get all of the teaching experience I can get before college next year. I think it will help. :)
♥S

That last post? Complete opposite.

2012-01-24T23:24:00.000-06:00

The more I try to hold things in, the more they build up, and then they explode.
Nothing is WORSE than talking to a boyfriend about the future who hates the future. I keep trying to keep my mouth shut and not talk about it, but I like thinking about it. I like knowing that I'll always have a place to land, no matter what. My worst fear is that I'll be wrong and end up falling flat on my face.
The worst part? I think it's already happened.
♥S

A seemingly better day

2012-01-23T22:37:00.000-06:00

Don't get me wrong, yes, I'm still stressed out. But now, I at least feel a bit happier.
I just got through with skyping Lukas, and he said he was giving me a surprise tomorrow when I came to see him, like I have everyday for the past 2 weeks, during my free period.
I feel so much better than yesterday.
♥S

The worst day of my life.

2012-01-22T19:52:00.000-06:00

No exaggerations. This day has been awful. I need a big hug. I am so stressed out, it's insane.
♥S

Annoying!

2012-01-21T23:59:00.001-06:00

Today was okay. All I did was work, though. I wish people were harder workers sometimes. It gets kind of annoying!
♥S

Awwww :)

2012-01-20T23:59:00.000-06:00

My boyfriend got really romantic today and decided to take me out to eat AND to a movie. Extremely loud and incredibly close is such a great movie, it made me cry.
♥S

THIS is me.

2012-01-19T21:54:00.000-06:00

Yep. This is me.

Always smiling, always happy.

I got my Senior pictures back today, this was one of them.

---

I am soooooo so incredibly happy for NO REASON AT ALL.

♥S

Honors?

2012-01-18T22:18:00.000-06:00

I got recommended for the honors program at NW Missouri State. Should I do it? It sounds like a lot of work...

Today has been fantastic! :D
♥S

A day of realization.

2012-01-17T22:34:00.000-06:00

Today I have learned that certain people are in your life for a reason. Others have left it for a reason as well.
I've also learned that no, not everyone is nice and goodhearted, no matter how much I wish that was true. The world of Interpals has taught me that today. More people are fascinated by good looks than good personality, and quite frankly, it's sad. A girl in a bikini can attract over 100 page views in an hour. A girl with a good smile and a warm personality can attract MAYBE 20 if she's lucky. It's a cold, hard world out there.. And the truth is not pretty.

Today, I also learned that Austin and Nicole want to move in together and they've only been dating 4 months. Lukas and I have been dating for a YEAR and he said it would be okay if I stopped by his new apartment this summer to visit anytime. Big difference there. No, HUGE.

You know, I've realized something big. I need to stop comparing them to Lukas and I. They may be moving faster, but Lukas and I are building a great, stable foundation that will LAST. It won't be a spur of the moment "fling." It will be real, true, and pure. I'd wait all the time in the world to have that.

Until tomorrow,
♥S

The thing is, I love you.

2012-01-16T22:26:00.000-06:00

It's more than I could ever describe.
Love? It's real.
It's you, it's me, it's us.
It's the smile on your face when you look at me like I'm crazy.
It's my laugh when you do something that takes me by surprise.
I like this concept, this "us".
It's as if nothing else in the world truly has any value.
This? It's perfect.
Okay, maybe not all the time; nothing is truly perfect.
But, you see? This is why I love it. I love it more than anything.
It may not be perfect but it's mine. It's ours.
What a marvelous feeling it is to be in love.
It's an endless happiness;
a crazy blur of madness that you don't care to chase off.
A never-ending knowing that your soul is no longer your own. Rather, it's shared.
I'm in love with this concept of "us" and this idea of love.
I love it so much, I'm living it.
Inside and out.
And I've never felt so alive.

I keep replalying the conversation that Lukas and I had last night about his father knowing his mother was "the one". I am in a gushy mood. His parents have a true love story, but then again, so do I.
♥S

Only you..

2012-01-15T23:59:00.000-06:00

Would sacrifice sleep to stay up and lay on my floor, just talking, until 3:30 in the morning. I am such a lucky girl.
♥S

The Truth..

2012-01-14T23:59:00.000-06:00

I might not be over you...
♥S

Friiiiday, Friiiiday, gotta get down on Friiiiday.

2012-01-13T23:59:00.000-06:00

Today was the best ever. I observed my Kindergarteners this morning and all we did was play with clay for an hour and a half. The teacher was trying to get things lined up for report cards, so she was testing the kids individually. I was going table to table, trying to keep the other kids busy by building things out of clay, too. It was probably the best part of my day. As I was leaving, I had kids holding on to my arms, trying to get me to stay. :) They are the sweetest.

Tonight was a lot of fun, too, really. Even though Nicole wasn't at pep band and I was the only Clarinet playing, it was still awesome! Plus, Mrs. Smith made brownies! :)I also played 20 questions with Michael, which was... interesting...

Another fantastic piece of news... remember how I said my New Year's resolution was to loose a bit of weight? I've lost about 5 pounds so far. I only have 12 more to go to be at my goal weight! :) I know, that's kind of cheesy to talk about, but I'm really proud!
♥S

It's time to say goodbye.

2012-01-12T20:37:00.000-06:00

Well, today has been less than fabulous. My mom has randomly been in a bad mood for the past 2 days and it's starting to frustrate me. I feel like I can't do anything right.
More importantly, I feel like I NEED to get out of this house. I can't do this anymore. Emotionally, it's breaking me down into a million pieces. :(
♥S

Nothing sounds better than "I missed you."

2012-01-11T20:21:00.000-06:00

Today, I went back to observing my kindergarten class. As we were walking around the block for "Walking Wednesday", I got attacked. I was holding hands with two different girls from the class, and a pack of the other kids were surrounding me as we walked. It made my day. Taylor, one of the girls I was holding hands with, was wearing mittens and said she'd keep my hands warm. She also said she missed me and she couldn't stop smiling. I just think it's so sweet how she was so caring, especially at the young age that she is.
Even 3 months later, every time I go to observe, I still leave the school with a smile on my face. It makes me happy knowing that I'm looked up to and loved so much.
Really, that was the highlight of my day. Other amazing things happend too, though. Like.... lunch with Nicole on our first day of second semester! or... most importantly, MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER FROM ISU! It's my first one I've ever gotten. I feel happy that all my hard work has paid off.
♥S

It's all messed up..

2012-01-10T22:24:00.000-06:00

I made a huge mistake. I have ruined my friendship with Brian and it is tearing me apart. He won't talk to me... and I don't know why. I am becoming depressed over this more and more with every unanswered text. Why did this have to happen to me? We were such good friends and I could tell him anything...
♥S

And......

2012-01-09T20:35:00.000-06:00

I hate that feeling when you think you may have made a mistake... and now it's too late to fix it...
♥S

Shut up, shut up, shut UP!

2012-01-08T21:49:00.000-06:00

Hey. HI! WHAAAAAATUP!
Today was a good day. I went shopping and found a dress for Winter Formal. I feel pretty good about it, but I neeeeeeed need to stop eating so much junk food before this damn dance, otherwise I am going to look like a whale and have no healthy energy.
That is probably the ONE and ONLY time you will ever hear me complain about my eating habits/weight.
A girl talking about her weight?
I know what you're thinking......
SHUT THE HELL UP! NOBODY CARES!
But, the truth is, neither do I.
I just felt like it was necessary today, considering that...
1) Lukas ran 4 miles today and walked 1/2. I did nothing but shop.
2) My grandma caught me eating a FRIGGIN BITE SIZE PIECE OF CHEESECAKE (literally) and told me I should watch what I eat.....

Best part? I FEEL FINE! I don't think I'm over weight or anywhere close to it! What is everyone's deal?! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Well, this has been fun....
♥S

Christmas!

2012-01-07T23:59:00.000-06:00

We celebrated Christmas late today. It was a lot of fun getting to see my brother and his girlfriend. He lives in Des Moines and I hardily get to see him. After opening presents, Brian and Lukas came over and played Munchkin with Tony and I. We also had a ton of great food. I am so thankful that I have such great family and friends :)
♥S

Twilight!

2012-01-06T23:52:00.001-06:00

Tonight, I went to spend some time with Lukas. We ended up watching a few of the Twilight movies. I was surprised he wasn't complaining the whole time! Haha :)
Anyway, in Eclipse, as the Cullens are gearing up to fight the newborns, they are all standing in a field in a "vogue" catalog pose.....

For Example:

So yes, they look like models. This made Lukas and I crack up. Anyway, Lukas turned it into a store wars battle, being that all of the Cullens look like catalogue models. As the Cullens fought the new borns, he kept saying things like... "Aeropostale! Buckle! Aeropostale! Buckle!" or "IT'S AMERICAN EAGLE, BITCH!" or "Yeah, JAX outdoor gear, take that! That's Sheel's, FOO!" We were laughing so hard, I was actually crying. It may sound stupid, but whatever. It was one of those "You had to be There" moments.

After the movie, Lukas and I were dancing on the wood floor in his hallway. I said to him, "You know, it's too bad you don't want to go to Winter Dance. You're a really good dancer." For those of you that don't know why I might think he wouldn't want to go: he didn't go to Homecoming because he felt weird about it. He's only 2 years older than me, but in his eyes he sees it as creepy. But whatever. ANYway, he kind of pulled back and told me he would like to go with me. I. Was. Shocked. I just gave him a big hug and told him it meant a lot to me, because it really does. I am really excited.

Until tomorrow,
♥S

Languages of Love.

2012-01-05T22:34:00.000-06:00

I finally did it. I listened to Adrianne.
I have never mentioned Adrianne before... she was one of the people that I went to Spain with last year. Well, long story short, she is getting married to her fiance, Chuck, in July.
This girl is a bible freak. She goes to a bible college. I have always thought of her as a little "out of the box", but then I decided to listen to her.
When we were in Spain, Adrianne was telling the other girls about the 5 languages of love, and how it helped her and Chuck to become closer and have a better relationship. It led them to communicate better and it has obviously made them happy.
Well, I ignored what Adrianne thought to be good advice for months after returning home, only to remember it today. So, I took a leap of faith and took an online quiz. Apparently I respond best to words of affirmation and quality time without distractions. I think that learning this could potentially help my relationship. Getting insight about yourself is always good, right? Also, Lukas wants to take the quiz, too. I am happy that he seems interested. Maybe this could make our relationship even better!
So, even though I doubted advice... Thank you to Adrianne. There is a lot that I could learn from you, myself, and from God.
♥S

Captivated...

2012-01-04T20:39:00.000-06:00

Oh, I'll never stop believing in this crazy love we're leading..

Oh, Sugar, hold me closer, make me sweeter,
I need ya, I love you..

So, please, show me that smile..
Make me laugh for just a little while, then breathe me one breath..
I only need one to fill the emptiness.

I love the way you can make me dance from miles away..
It's been so long, but now I've waited and I'm captivated..

I found this incredible song by Lady Gaga before she was famous... Honestly, this is how I feel every day. :)
A year ago on this day, I was doing a happy dance in my best friend's kitchen. Why?
I got asked on a date by the boy I had been crushing on for months! It is incredible to think that a year has passed already.

I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love and I don't care who knows it♥

♥S

I won't give up...

2012-01-03T21:35:00.001-06:00

For us to work, we didn't ~~break~~, we didn't burn...

We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in.

I had to learn what I got, and what I'm ~~not~~
And who I am....

So... here's the thing...

2012-01-02T23:59:00.001-06:00

Brian wants to be more than friends.
Surprised? Yeah, me too...
This is baaad. Bad, bad, bad, soooo so bad.
I'm gonna end up hurting someone.
Or, maybe, myself.
♥S

I hate my jealousy.

2012-01-01T23:59:00.000-06:00

Tonight, Brian told me that a lot of girls have been hitting on him lately. Why am I jealous?! I don't want to be with him, but I hate the thought of him with someone else. This is a really weird feeling. Why am I so jealous!? I hate it. I feel so stupid.
♥S

Goodbye, 2011!

2011-12-31T23:59:00.001-06:00

Tonight was the best thing EVER. Yep. I spent the first half of the night with family and the second half with Lukas and his friends playing Munchkin again. Then, Lukas came back over and stayed until about 3:00. This has been the best night ever. This has been the best winter break ever! It feels like a weekend that just won't quit. I have a fantastic feeling about 2012. :) Also, the new year's resolution? Lose a little weight and most importantly, just. be. happy.
♥S

NEW FAVORITE GAME:

2011-12-30T23:59:00.002-06:00

Parush, Michael, Josh, Lukas and I all played this game for 2 hours. 2 HOURS! We went though the entire deck of cards! It was so fun trying to stop each other from winning.

God, I love winter break. It's like an endless weekend.
Also, today is Lukas's birthday! He LOVED the toy helicopter that I got him. He was flying it all over his house. I keep telling him that he is like a 20-year-old kid :)

♥S

Young and Free.

2011-12-29T23:59:00.000-06:00

I haven't felt this great in a while.
Okay, so I did something I shouldn't have... I went to a party. I didn't drink though. However, I realize it probably still wasn't right. I only stayed to make sure that Luke got home okay.
But.... it was fun. A lot of fun. I thought it would be awkward, considering my brother is always the one that parties, and he was there... but it wasn't. We even teamed up for water pong. I'm really lucky that we have such a good relationship and he didn't care that I was there. Most big brothers would probably freak out.
Also, I am super happy that all of Luke's friends didn't care I was there. We got along really well, actually. I thought I would get a lot of crap, because I'm the "sheltered" one... but everything was okay.
It was a lot of fun just letting loose and having fun, even if the only thing I was drinking was Mountain Dew. I think this party, my FIRST party, was pretty great. I got to spend the night with friends and just relax.
I do feel kind of bad, because parties go against everything I believe. Especially because I'm only 18. But, it wasn't so bad. It was actually kind of fun.
♥S

Comfy.

2011-12-28T22:52:00.000-06:00

Today was, in one word, comfy. Like an old pair of jeans. I spent the day reading, learning about cars from my step-dad, and talking to a few old friends that I ran into at the gas station.

You can totally tell I'm from a small town. Goodness... I sound so dull. Oh well, it's a good thing I find a lot of excitement in small things!

Anyway, yeah, today was great. Break has been treating me well.
♥S

Beauty...

2011-12-27T22:42:00.000-06:00

I love being able to wake up in the morning and not do a thing to myself. No make-up, natural hair, old clothes. I feel so relaxed and so pretty. Is that weird? I feel prettier without effort...
Anyway, today was pretty great. The second day of my Winter Break. All I did was wrap a few presents and read. That's about it... then I spent the rest of the night with my parents and little sister.
I hope tomorrow is more eventful, even though today was pretty good.
♥S

A day in Heaven.

2011-12-26T23:59:00.000-06:00

That's what it felt like. I spent the whole day with Lukas. We went to the mall and did some post-Christmas shopping. We had to park really far away, but we found a trail leading to the mall that went past a really nice pond. He put his arm around me and we walked together just like that, all the way to the mall. On the way there, he stopped suddenly, and looked into my eyes. He said "You're really beautiful, you know that?" I couldn't stop blushing.
Today was full of laughter and happiness :)
♥S

The perfect Christmas :)

2011-12-25T23:12:00.000-06:00

Lukas came over and we spent the day together. We opened our Christmas presents and I got a cake pop maker and a beautiful snowflake necklace. I am so excited to spend the day with him tomorrow!
♥S

YAY, Christmas Eve!

2011-12-24T20:32:00.000-06:00

I have gotten some great necklaces, a movie, and boots. What a fun day. Besides that, I worked. It was great :) tomorrow will be great, I'm sure :) I can't wait to see Luke.
♥S

The longest day of my life.

2011-12-23T23:23:00.001-06:00

Work was a nightmare. I was there for 10 hours... and the lines to be checked out were going from the end of the freezers to the front of the store. I have never seen so many people in my life.
Other than that, life is good. Today was a lot of fun for working!
♥S

Some things just really irritate me...

2011-12-22T23:59:00.000-06:00

Closing at work with lazy people is one of them.

Other than that, today was pretty good. After work, I came home and had a cup of apple cider, curled up on my couch, and called Luke. It was the perfect ending to a crappy day. Plus, he started giving me clues about what he got me for Christmas.. I want to know what it is!

♥S

Oh my..

2011-12-21T23:59:00.000-06:00

I feel so much better after talking to Lukas. I hope things will change.
♥S

Don't you know it's torture? I mean, it's a living hell....

2011-12-20T22:22:00.000-06:00

I am so confused. That's about the best I can sum it up.

This is going to be a blog full of venting, so hold on tight.

1. I wish Lukas would show me off a bit more, or at least make me feel important. I am getting so sick of giving everything I have and getting crap in return. Which brings me to my next rant....

2. BRIAN FOX. He accidentally sent me a text today that said.... "Yeah.. Just frustrating when I think I'm the perfect guy for her.." That was obviously meant to go to someone other than me... And now the rest of the day has just been weird. We got in this big fight thing and I don't even see how it was necessary. We're not dating, and we have no issues to work out.

Seriously, what is with boys?

ALL I WANT IS THIS:

Is that really too much to ask for?

Songs of the day...

2011-12-19T21:36:00.001-06:00

My Heart Can't Tell You No...
No matter how mad I get, I always forgive Lukas. He told me last night that for New Year's he is going to a party with his friends... and he'll probably end up drunk. But he told me he'd come find me before midnight...
Seriously, we've had a talk about this before. I don't like the thought of him getting drunk. But, of course, I just need to "ease up" because he's "only young once"... No matter how much he insists, I will never fully be okay with him drinking. Especially when he knows it bothers me, and he still continues to do it.

Why Are You Running Away?
I have no clue.
Brian came to band today... but I didn't say anything to him. I feel reallly bad about that.. I just got so nervous... My heart was doing double back flips. Why am I running away? He is always there for me, always listening, and always giving advice. Deep down, I really feel something... but I'm so afraid of chasing after it...

What a day.
♥S

My house.

2011-12-18T22:13:00.000-06:00

For the past 3 years, my family and I have been restoring our 1920s house. Today, we finished. Tomorrow, it's being appraised. I am so excited.. And my house finally feels like a home.
♥S

TWP.

2011-12-17T23:59:00.000-06:00

So glad I went.
The gift exchange, of course, was the best part. So much drama in stealing things!! There was a cake pop maker that I wanted really, REALLY bad, but it got stolen twice, so I didn't get it. However, Tamsin got stolen from, then stole her own gift that she brought to the exchange... and she wanted it really bad, but so did I. Being that my number was last, I took her book! The room was full of hysterical laughing and screaming. It was too great.
Also... I danced like crazy tonight. Connor really does know how to throw a party. We were all insane.

Even though we're not all extremely close anymore, my friends are the best.

"The Winter Party" always brings us together.

♥S

Nothing is better..

2011-12-16T23:59:00.000-06:00

Pep band tonight was so fun. It was ugly sweater night and everyone was staring at us. Playing was so great!!
Lukas also came over today! We spent the night in endless laughter. I was laughing so hard I was crying.
Nothing beats this feeling.
♥S

Getting lost/ Getting found

2011-12-15T22:49:00.000-06:00

Lost in a good book, that is. It's never a bad thing and I never regret it. My nook is one of the greatest pieces of technology that I've purchased. Ever. Reading is so magnificient and allows you to go on any adventure you wish.
Today has been extraordinary. I went to goodwill looking for an ugly Christmas sweater, couldn't find one, and met a stranger who said she had an excellent one she wanted to get rid of. She wrote down her address and told me it would be in a sack on her porch. She said she'd be at the grocery store, but told me to stop by and pick it up. This sounds risky, I realize, being that she was a stranger and all, but I took a leap of faith. When I arrived at her house, I noted that it was in poor condition. Her stairs were broken and the house was falling apart. I was astonished that this woman would want to give me something when she herself had so little. I took the time to write her a note in my car before walking to her porch. I attached it to her front door, thanking her for the absolutely FABULOUS sweater. Christmas spirit is in the air. What a wonderful person.
♥S

A BIIIIIIIG Day

2011-12-14T22:41:00.000-06:00

There is now CARPET in my house. Everywhere. I laid on my living room floor for the first time today. We moved in 4 years ago.
My house is beautiful. I had a long talk with my step-dad today about how far we've came since starting our house. We talked about the hard times, the hilarious wall paper that used to cover the walls, and about the things we're most proud of. In these past 4 years, I have learned to appreciate every little thing life throws my way. Most definitely. I have also learned a LOT from my step-dad about the meaning of hardwork. It has great results.
Loving life,
♥S

Screw Strep Throat!

2011-12-13T21:35:00.002-06:00

Enough said D:
♥S

Shocker...

2011-12-12T21:07:00.000-06:00

I actually stayed home sick from school and work today. That's a first. As for today, all I did was sleep. I slept for over 12 hours today... and the real shocker of today was that Brian texted me more than Lukas. It was nice knowing that someone was concerned. Brian and I actually had a talk today about how hard it is to find anyone who doesn't drink anymore. Surprisingly, we share the same view about alcohol... it's a turn off. Why aren't there more guys like him?
♥S

Cold...

2011-12-11T18:44:00.000-06:00

I feel like absolute crap. My throat hurts and I've been sleepy all day. I've also been very cold! Other than that, today was great. I played in the band and full orchestra and sang in the choir today for a concert.. Yep, I'm a musician ;) Lukas came to the concert today too, which was pretty awesome. Until tomorrow...
♥S

A boring, yet great day.

2011-12-10T23:59:00.001-06:00

Work sucked today. They asked me to close, and I said no way. Instead, I spent the night with Lukas, as usual :)
Tomorrow is a busy day, with my portfolio and a concert. Oh my...
♥S

A date with Mr. Thoren :)

2011-12-09T23:59:00.000-06:00

For once, I paid, and that's only because I stole the check :) I believe that Lukas shouldn't have to pay every time, even though he insists. Oh, that boy :) Tonight was fantastic.
♥S

I am sooo tired..

2011-12-08T23:03:00.000-06:00

But... My nook came!!!! I love it :D reading is fun again! Haha. Yep, today has been great.
♥S

P.S. Brian told me he likes me... Uhhh ohhhh...

The best/crappiest night of work ever.

2011-12-07T22:32:00.000-06:00

1) Carol and Kelsie are INSANE. Working with them both in one night for 6 hours was more than enough. Really.

2) Melissa and Chelsey are AMAZING. I had so much fun complaining about Carol and Kelsie with them.

3) Kyle has the sweetest smile ever. Him and Cody are hilarious when they close together.

4) MY NOOK STILL HASN'T CAME. OMG.

♥S

ENERGY!

2011-12-06T22:07:00.000-06:00

TONIGHT WAS AMAZING OMG OMG OMG :)
Pep band was so much fun! Probably more fun than it ever has been. My band friends are so great. I loved every minute of playing tonight!
Also, I went and saw Lukas (of course!) which is always great. When I first saw him, I RAN to him from the other side of his lawn and he picked me up in his arms and we had an "airport" kiss. You know, those ones when people in the airport get so excited to see someone, that they run over and jump off the ground into their arms and give them a big kiss. It was great :)
Today, I also cut off 4" of my hair (it's so short!) and I love it!!!

What a great day. I'm bursting with energy.
Happy Tuesday.
♥S

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2011-12-05T21:51:00.002-06:00

I sat down with a calendar and wrote down everything I need to do this week... It's completely full, plus it went into next week! This is insane! The month before finals is always so busy. Winter break better make up for it, or I'm gonna scream!
Tonight was okay... Tomorrow I'm going to get a NEW hair cut and hopefully my stupid nook will come because it hasn't yet! It was supposed to be here in 1-3 days, and it's been 7. WHAT THE HECK! Haha. I sound like a grouch.
♥S

Breathe

2011-12-04T22:32:00.000-06:00

Life is great. I spent the day making "Lake Rathbun Blue Crew's Brownies" that I used to make with my father. I found the recipe in a box in my basement and became determined to make them. It was definitely worth it. It really made me miss Dad though... I sent him a quick message and told him I made the brownies. Making them without him just felt weird.
I hope tomorrow is great! Today certainly was. I spent the whole day with my family and I spent a bit of time with Lukas. This week better be great...
♥S

Work, more work, and Mr. Fox

2011-12-03T23:37:00.000-06:00

Today I worked, then came home to work on my house. My knee started hurting and I had to put my brace on... I can hardily walk :/ I feel like I'm losing my mind. I think Brian talking to me was the only thing that kept me sane. I feel like I could talk to him for hours.
I hope tomorrow is better.
♥S

The highlight of my day...

2011-12-02T23:59:00.000-06:00

Getting kicked out by Lukas is always such great fun.
This time, it was in the rain. It kinda matched how I felt inside.
I am so tired of putting my heart out on the line only to get hurt...
♥S

We owned the night....♥

2011-12-01T21:19:00.000-06:00

LOVE LOVE LOVE.

This song is perfect.

So was today.

I can't wait until I get to see Lukas tomorrow!

♥S

Feeling gooooooooooood

2011-11-30T22:24:00.000-06:00

I didn't study for my AP Psychology test today. I still knew all of the answers. WINNING!
Today has been fairly... awesome. My friend Josh that I haven't seen for months came into work and talked to me, which was pretty cool... and work itself was fantastic tonight. I work with some really great people!
I am hooooooooping hoping hoping that my Nook finally comes tomorrow! Haha, I am so nerdy, but I am so so so excited to start reading on it. It is going to be so amazing if it finally comes tomorrow. I'm starting to get impatient!
All for today,
♥S

Teenage rant:

2011-11-29T22:08:00.000-06:00

I am so ready to move out.

Just what I needed.

2011-11-28T22:56:00.002-06:00

Today, I bought a nook. I can't wait for it to come in the mail!! :) Today, I also got to work and everyone was in a good mood, plus I got to see Lukas. It was one of those fairytale nights when we sit and talk after work for a bit, then it turns into an hour :) I got a lot of reassurance from our conversation tonight. I feel amazing.
♥S

Even creepier!

2011-11-27T18:22:00.000-06:00

So, about that creeper from last night... well, I was looking at a picture of him on Facebook and I kept thinking "Gosh, I have seen this guy before, other than being friends with my neighbor!" Well... all of a sudden, it hit me. HE WAS ENGAGED TO MY COUSIN! Their "Save the Date" magnet was on my fridge for months, but then they called off the wedding. How twisted is that?!

Other than that, today has been okay I suppose. I worked on my research paper for a bit and did some laundry. Lukas got sick so we couldn't hang out tonight. I hope this week is great.
♥S

CREEP!

2011-11-26T22:42:00.000-06:00

Today was just like any other day... I was at work, when suddenly a man walks through my line. We start talking and all of a sudden, he stares right into my eyes and says "Gosh, where have I seen you?" I thought he looked familiar. Well, we established that I was his friend's neighbor. That's how he had seen me before. Well, after joking about it for a bit... he then asked me what I was doing after work. I told him I was just going home. He then asked me to DINNER! What the heck! Oh, I forgot to mention... this guy is 30 and I just turned 18 TWO DAYS AGO! AAAHHHH! Yeah. Anyway... I told him I couldn't and I thought it was over with. But, when I got home and signed into my Facebook account, I discovered I had a friend request. IT WAS FROM HIM! How creepy is that?!?! That is SO creepy!!!!

Side happening: Today I also went to dinner with Rileigh and talked about Nicole's future engagement. We both think she's crazy.
Also, Brian started texting me tonight. I guess his ex has been leading him on and he's pissed. Karma is a bitch, dude.

Life, at best, is crazy and unpredictable. That's how I would describe tonight.
♥S

A day of heaven :)

2011-11-25T23:59:00.000-06:00

What a day. I spent the entire day sick in bed. But, I did get to take a peppermint bubble bath and I watched the movie "Water for Elephants". It was fantastic. Cheers to a relaxing day :)
♥S

I have a good feeling about 18!

2011-11-24T23:26:00.000-06:00

Today was awesome. I got to see my family, eat lots of great food (being that it's Thanksgiving!) and I even got to see my boyfriend. Seeing Lukas was probably the best part of the whole day. He made me smile so much.

I took this photo of him:

It's the goofy things he does that make me love him so incredibly. I hope that someday he'll fully understand just how great the extent of my feelings are for him.
I love life.

♥S

My last day of being 17 :)

2011-11-23T23:09:00.000-06:00

I spent my last day of being 17 at work. It actually wasn't that bad! :) I am so excited for tomorrow... It's Thanksgiving! And I get to see my family!
My grandpa called me tonight... He remembered it was my birthday! It was so nice to talk to him. Today was great.
♥S

Cry, cry, cry.

2011-11-22T20:46:00.000-06:00

I hate spending the night alone. Both Lukas AND Nicole were too busy for me tonight. I just feel depressed and alone. Today has been such a bad day.
♥S

Happy Monday!

2011-11-21T20:33:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow is my last day of school for the week. Hooray. :)
Today was spent doing not much out of the ordinary. I went to school, came home, and then went to work to put in a note asking for time off. I got to see Lukas though, which was pretty cool :)

My best friend Nicole told me a secret today... Austin wants to marry her. He is saving up for a ring and he is going to propose this Summer! I am so excited for her, but they've only been dating for 3 months... marriage is serious! Part of me thinks she's absolutely crazy, but I support her 100%. If this is what will make her happiest, then so be it. She knows herself better than I do (even though I come pretty close!) She deserves happiness... even if I think she's a little nuts :P
♥S

Ahhhh, Thanksgiving week :)

2011-11-20T18:08:00.000-06:00

Today has been pretty boring. I baked a cake, did homework, folded laundry... yep, pretty boring. But, this week will be awesome! I have to go to school only for the first 2 days of the week, and then the rest of the week I'm free to do whatever. Also, my birthday is on Thanksgiving... woop :)
I am so pumped.
♥S

We found love...

2011-11-19T23:59:00.000-06:00

Tonight, I went to see the new Twilight movie "Breaking Dawn" with Lukas. It was soooooo good. I think it is probably my new favorite Twilight movie.

After the movie, Lukas took me home, but when we pulled into my driveway, we stayed in the car. He kissed me in the most amazing way... and when he pulled back and our eyes met... I lost thought of everything but him. He told me he loved me, and for the first time, I had absolutely no doubt that he meant it completely--mind, body, and soul. It was the most powerful feeling I've ever felt in my life. My eyes actually started to tear up because I was so happy, so lost in the moment, and so full of emotion. I could tell that he felt the same way. I hope I can hold on to the memory of tonight for the rest of my life.

We found love.
♥S

The fairy dance!

2011-11-18T23:59:00.001-06:00

There's a girl that I work with and her name is Bailey. She is one of my BEST friends at work, hands down. Tonight, we faced the store together and things got a little crazy! The store was mostly empty and we had a ton of energy, so we started doing the fairy dance and the dinosaur dance in the middle of the aisles (we made the dances up, and trust me they look hilarious!) and we were laughing so hard and so loud... hahahaha. I'm so glad I work with such great people.

On a side note, I was supposed to get out of work at 10, but I got out at 11... well, on my way to the parking lot, I saw Lukas's car off in the corner! He had been there since 10 and he waited an hour just to see me!

Tonight was amazing!!! :)
♥S

Wicked :)))

2011-11-17T23:42:00.000-06:00

Ohh tonight was wonderful! Wicked was amazing and so was spending time with Lukas and his parents. I wish I had more nights like these!
♥S

Wicked??

2011-11-16T20:30:00.002-06:00

I hope that I get to go see Wicked tomorrow with my boyfriend! If his brother can't go, I get to use his ticket :) I think it would be so fun to spend the night with him and his parents and to get to know them a little better. I always have this fear that parents are going to hate me! Haha.
Hmm... what did I do today. I went to swing choir, went to school, came home... did homework... the usual. But, today was a fantastic day. I got the chance to go see Lukas during my open period at school and I also got to have a BIG girl talk with my friends Nicole and Rileigh. I'm so thankful I have such great people in my life.
♥S

I'm on the phone :)

2011-11-15T22:39:00.000-06:00

I'm telling Lukas about my blog. This is my 130th post.. I feel so accomplished :) On Thursday, I might be going to see Wicked with him. I hope I get to go!
♥S

My first lesson ever :)

2011-11-14T17:54:00.000-06:00

I feel like absolute crap right now. I went home sick today and I'm writing this blog post snuggled up in my warmest blanket. The only thing I want is some soup and a cup of french vanilla capuccino. God, that sounds nice.
Besides being sick, I taught my FIRST. LESSON. EVER. today... and I did really well! The only thing I need to work on is my "teacher voice" according to my professor. Being loud? Okay, sure, no problem! ;) I'm only 17 and I already know what I want to do with my life... It's such a great feeling. I can't wait to be a teacher... I'm so ready to get out of high school and finish up college.
What has everyone else been up to today? I know I have gotten a LOT of new readers lately... let's hear from you! Comments are always appreciated. They make my day :)
♥S

Lukas:

2011-11-13T22:03:00.000-06:00

If you're reading this, all I want is a sign that you love me and want me in your life.

I hate hiding my emotions in fear that you will get freaked out. I want a sign that I'm not in this alone.

I want to know that I'm loved for who I am and that you truly, honestly do want to be with me.

Why?

And that's the truth...

Feel Good

2011-11-12T20:10:00.000-06:00

I feel like I'm floating on air. I feel so good and so at peace that all of the negative things around me have no effect. The only things that I'm concerned with are the things that are on my mind. This is... amazing. I feel completely happy and whole. Why can't this happen everyday? I feel completely comfortable right now. Nothing beats this feel good feeling :)

11/11/11

2011-11-11T23:32:00.000-06:00

It's supposed to be luckiest day of the year. For me, it has been a pretty great day. I finished all of my English homework for my research paper, and I also had the chance to talk to Rileigh tonight at work. We had a pretty deep talk about the boys in our lives and how we feel we have grown up so much this year. As we were talking, all I could think about was Lukas. I called him on my way home from work and told him just how much he means to me. Afterall, he more than deserves to be reminded. He has completely shaped my life. So, tonight at 11:11, I did make a wish about him, but I didn't really need it. The truth is, I've got everything I could ever possibly want already.

Until tomorrow,
♥S

Go ahead, kick me while I'm down...

2011-11-10T20:42:00.001-06:00

Today as I was walking into band, Mrs. Smith, my band director, stopped me in the door and informed me that Nicole would be taking my full orchestra spot next semester, because she's now 2nd chair. While I'm excited for Nicole, this is extremely upsetting to me... First, I get knocked down from 2nd to 4th chair in band, then, trying to be optimistic, I told myself that at least I still had my spot in full orchestra. Well... it turns out I was wrong. At least Mrs. Smith is letting me keep the spot for a semester, but still. I am so frustrated with music... everything I love keeps getting taken away. It's breaking my heart.

Aside from today's low point, I did end up getting to go see Lukas. We shot hoops in his driveway and I beat him in a game of horse, then we went and watched some weird movie on TV. Then, I left because Lukas was going to go to a political rally for Ron Paul, but after he drove to where it was supposed to be, he told me he had the wrong day. Haha. I feel bad for him, but even he thinks it's funny he got the days mixed up.
Lukas made my day way better today... he knows how to cheer me up better than anyone else.
♥S

Wow...

2011-11-09T22:06:00.001-06:00

That's exactly what I thought when Brittany asked me if mayonnaise and tartar sauce were the same thing tonight at work. That girl is so nice, but sooooo dumb. Sometimes, I'm almost surprised by the kinds of questions she asks.

Tonight was great. As I was facing peanut butter, a lady asked me if I could help her find some things in the store. I turned around, and there was Mrs. Ullestad. She opened up her arms and gave me a hug. She told me she missed me and asked me how observing at the high school level was going. I told her the truth: it was boring. I miss observing her Kindergarten class. The kids are so full of life and she is a wonderful lady. I truly admire her and all of the work that she does.

Well, now it's time for bed... I wonder what tomorrow will bring...
♥S

I might even fly...♥

2011-11-08T21:54:00.000-06:00

Tonight, I had a choir concert. I was sitting on the other side of the gym from the audience, looking for Lukas... and at the last second, he came through the door, still in his work clothes. A smile broke across my face almost instantly. As I was looking at him from the other side of the gym, he turned and met my eyes. Chorale started singing a song called "Fly", and at the line that says "When you love me, there's nothing I wouldn't try. I might even fly..." My heart almost started beating out of my chest. If that's not a key indicator that I'm in love, I don't know what is.

After the concert, Lukas walked me to my car, and in the middle of the parking lot, he kissed me. In the pouring rain, he kissed me. Cars were driving out of the lot, people were running frantically to stay dry... and he kissed me. He didn't care who saw, and neither did I. In that moment, time felt like it had froze. The only thing that mattered to me was Lukas, that kiss, and feeling more important and special than I ever had in my whole life.

I've never felt like this before. It's magic...
♥S

Psychology.... Yeah...

2011-11-07T19:43:00.000-06:00

Currently I am correcting a psychology test for extra points. I honestly have no idea how my teacher finds these questions! The answers are definitely not in the book! He always says that he's "preparing us for college" but seriously...
Today has been pretty great, aside from psychology. I am ready for a break!
♥S

Love this!

2011-11-06T17:02:00.000-06:00

I saw this on a sign yesterday and instantly fell in love:

"What I want for you: A boy who would move the hair away from your eyes, hold your hand in line at the mall and make all the girls jealous. Someone who would sing to you at random moments. A boy who would get mad at someone if they called you ugly or was mean to you. Someone who would let you gossip to him and would just smile and agree with everything you said. He would throw stuffed animals at you when you acted dumb and then kiss you a million times. He would take you to the park and put his hands around your waist and give you a big bear hug. He would tell all his friends about you and smile when he did it. You'd argue about silly things and then make up. I want a boy that would count stars with you. Someone who would tell you you're beautiful, but not too often. Who would make you laugh like no one else could. But mostly I want someone who would be your best friend and would never break your heart."

Lucky for me, I don't have to worry about finding this boy. I already have him :)

As for what I did today... it wasn't much. I worked on my research paper and since then I have done absolutely nothing. I'm suffering from a lazy Sunday :) They are my favorite. This weekend has been magical.
♥S

My Twin :)

2011-11-05T22:56:00.001-05:00

I work with a girl named Melissa. Melissa is basically my twin-- pretty much anything between us is the same. Her birthday is even close to mine (it's the day after!). I LOVE working with her. She is the funniest, goofiest person... I always have the greatest times with her. And, because she's older, she gives great advice! She is like a big sister. Nights like these are the best.
♥S

This is what perfect feels like.

2011-11-04T23:00:00.000-05:00

I went to lunch today with Lukas. Afterwards, he came back to my house and we took a nap... yes, a nap. Sleeping next to him is like heaven. It's the most soothing feeling in the world, having his arms wrapped around me, feeling his breath on the back of my neck and his body moving up and down. I felt carefree and at complete and total peace. I can't explain it. This guy makes me want to sleep next to him and never wake up. Endless magic. I think that sounds nice.

I'm in love.
We are something beautiful.

♥S

What a day...

2011-11-03T23:59:00.000-05:00

I had chair auditions today for band. I thought I nailed the audition, but I ended up going down 2 chair placements. This is slightly upsetting...

On the bright side, I went to see Paranormal Activity 3 with Lukas tonight. It was a lot of fun. And, we even took picures with his new iPhone. Bad thing though... His Facebook is linked to his phone, and I accidentally clicked on his message tab... There were messages from Chelsea again! Whaaaat is going on?

♥S

A Research Paper and Cupcakes! ...And the Discovery of Ed Sheeran♥.

2011-11-02T19:21:00.000-05:00

That's how I spent my night. ^^^

I worked on things to get a head start on my research paper on outsourcing (did you know some Chinese people work for as little as 43 cents?!) and I also made cupcakes for tomorrow's National Honor Society bake sale for the hope foundation. On Tuesday, we made $332, so I hope the turnout is just as great for Thursday's sale.

I also came across this boy on YouTube:

He is AMAZING. I love his lyrics (even though they are a bit unusual, they tell a story!) and his voice could put me to sleep.
Until tomorrow,
♥S

Let the Application Begin... :)

2011-11-01T20:48:00.000-05:00

I have officially filled out half of my college application to UNI. I am so excited. I hope that I can get the financial aid and scholarships that I need so I can go. I have worked too hard to be cut short now. I'm saying prayers. This has been the one thing I have wanted most throughout my senior year.

Also: Happy November! I turn 18 in 23 days (on Thanksgiving this year) and YES I have already started a countdown. I'm not sure what great things will come with 18 besides being able to vote and to say that I'm finally an adult, but I'm looking forward to it nonetheless.

♥S

Boom, time for a change!

2011-10-31T21:51:00.000-05:00

I am thinking about getting a second job. I am very excited for this and I hope that I enjoy it. I am picking up an application tomorrow and I am oh so excited :)

Tomorrow should be great. It's the start of a 4-day vacation that I just so happened to get because I'm only scheduled to work Monday and Saturday this week. I'm taking in November the right way♥

Smiles and a heart full of hope,
♥S

Upside down, hanging from a string

2011-10-30T21:16:00.000-05:00

But, life is good, despite it all :)

From here on out, things are going to start changing. I can't wait!
♥S

My dreams are so much bigger than this place....

2011-10-29T23:25:00.000-05:00

That's what I kept thinking as my boss yelled at all of his employees (including me) for half an hour straight tonight.

"Your best is not good enough. I expect perfection."

BOOM--it hit me like a ton of bricks: My best is good enough somewhere else.

My best is good enough in a place that I am appreciated for all of the hard work and effort that I put in, rather than only being recognized for the negative aspects and "things I need to work on".

I have worked at this company for 2 years and I have never recieved any kind of positive reinforcement or comments... I'm so tired of having my heart broken...

I know, I only work a part-time "high school" job, and I shouldn't be complaining, but it's so hard to go into a place of employment knowing that what you do, no matter how hard you try, isn't going to be good enough.

♥S

I love my Rileigh :D

2011-10-28T22:43:00.000-05:00

Closing at work with Rileigh is literally one of the best things ever. We gossip, tell stories, dance, and most of all: laugh. We laugh so loud that everyone can hear us from one side of the store to the other.

Don't get me wrong, of course we get our work done. We work hard... we just like to have fun while we do it :)

♥S

A seemingly perfect day :)

2011-10-27T22:13:00.000-05:00

I spent the day decorating sugar cookies with my grandma, then I took a few over to Lukas. He was thrilled. I also brought him a cute little homemade card and his shoes that he left at my house the other day. I wrote him a little note and slipped it in his shoe. I hope it makes his day when he finds it :)

UGH. One bad thing about today--Nicole's ex, Sean, wants her back. But she is waaaaay happier with Austin... (Wow, I sound like a middle school girl)... but I really hope that Sean doesn't get in the way. Nicole hasn't been this happy in a long, long time.

♥(as always!)S

Today!

2011-10-26T20:53:00.000-05:00

Today, I have been working at my job for 2 years. Also, today I have been dating Lukas for 6 months.
Today is DEFINITELY a better day than yesterday.
♥S

Healing

2011-10-25T20:57:00.000-05:00

God always puts me in these situations... He is very sneaky about it, too, I might add. But, in the end, I know I have served a needed role, and I am more than happy to do it. God knows people need help, and I am almost always led in that direction...

For the second time, I have talked someone out of committing suicide.

But this time was different...
he talked me out of committing suicide, too.

It's amazing how much healing that can happen between two people with the same problem...

Prayers and Hugs,
♥S

I'll never trust a single thing you say again...

2011-10-24T22:14:00.000-05:00

Yep. Bailey is definitely hooking up with Kyle. He came into the store tonight and I can't shake how they looked at each other out of my head. I asked her if they had a thing, and I'm about 90% sure she lied about it! People, I swear....

Until tomorrow,
♥S

Myyyyyy heart's a stereo, it beats for you, so listen close :)

2011-10-23T22:36:00.000-05:00

(That song has been stuck in my head all day!)

Today was perfect. I spent the morning raking leaves and listening to Frank Sinatra, my afternoon was spent coloring "My Little Pony" coloring book pages with my sister, and my night was spent with Lukas, watching tutorials on how to read palms and other things like that on YouTube. Apparently our palms are fairly alike... what can I say, just another thing that we have in common :)
I am thankful for this lovely, vibrant, fall day.
♥S

The dreaded ACT.

2011-10-22T23:59:00.001-05:00

Actually, it wasn't that bad. It went a lot better than the first time I took it. Also, this time I had to take it in a different town, far away from my own town (because the centers closest to me had filled up too quickly), so I had the opportunity of meeting a few new people. I first walked into the waiting room, following a boy and a girl who also had no idea where we were supposed to meet. When we got into the room, the boy invited me to pull up a chair. We sat and talked for what felt like forever. It was a lot of fun! There's a twist, though... the boy took an unprescribed Adderall right in front of me! He was practically bouncing off the walls after that, which was funny to watch, I'll admit. But, it's so awful that he thought he needed to take a drug to improve his performance....
Without taking any drugs (unlike that boy I met!), I know I did wonderful. I am crossing my fingers that this test raises my score a few points, so I can get on the academic wall of fame at my high school. It sounds corny, but this has been my biggest goal throughout high school, and I've come so far to not make it now. I have kept over a 3.8 GPA (I actually have a 3.9) and now all I need is a 28 on my ACT. Currently, I have a 27. See what I mean about coming close? I can't give up now! I know I can do this...!
♥S

Don't cry because it's over....

2011-10-21T21:37:00.000-05:00

Smile because it happened.

Marching band, it's been real. For the last 4 years, you've been my life. You've provided so many lasting memories and you've shaped me into the person that I am today.
Marching band, you have taught me how to learn the value of hard work and practice, how to be a role model and leader, and most of all: how to have fun.
Today, a huge part of my life has been cut away. It feels as if a part of me has died. But, I'm still smiling--the memories will live on and I will carry them with me for the rest of my life.
This year--Senior year--is full of a lot of "lasts", and so far, this has been my hardest one. I've never been good at saying goodbye, but it's time to move on. Everything has an ending, but with each ending comes a new beginning. I'm merely beginning a new chapter in my life.
♥S